alexwrittendown

Thoughts in the shape of words.

Standing by a Crossroad

-This is from my old notebook collection of assorted writings. I found a few old notebooks when I was visiting my father and this particular collection of words dates back to somewhere between late 2013 and early 2014, I think. When this was written a lot was happening around me and these words are something like a stream of consciousness regarding where you are going and what you are doing with your life.

 

You never said you didn’t know

What was going through my mind

I guess I’m just kinda’ slow

In letting others know what I find

 

Even as I keep on moving

It’s hard to comprehend

What is this wicked doing

Coming from around the bend

 

By my side there’s countless others

Whom also have been down

Many sisters and brothers

They are redemption bound

 

There’s something I must tell you

Something that’s been haunting me

I’ve been acting like a fool

Doing things you can’t believe

 

I’ve been looking back now

For quite some time

And I can’t figure out how

Just how I burned every dime

 

When I tell you it’s a pain

You’d better believe it’s true

I was hijacking my brain

Always walking with ragged shoes

 

So now I’m pledging to you

To help me start on another road

Someday it will be true

I’ll walk tall without my load

 

And I find hope in the little things

In the dawn of a new day

In the most spirited workers

Toiling their lives away

 

Now I seek your guidance

Asking you to assist

Pull me out of this deadly dance

Walk me out of the mist

 

I’m standing by a crossroad

Can’t decide where to turn

On my back’s a heavy load

Of all the bridges that I’ve burnt

 

It’s a sad story to be true

A bitter twisted tale

Something rightfully reserved by few

To live it and then walk away

 

I’ve sung with the choir of despair

I’ve travelled across the river of death

I’d tell you where I was going but I dont’t know where

I’m stopping soon to catch my breath

Advertisements

Guilty as Charged

Good day your holiness

I would like to confess

Declare my sins

Recognize my wrongs

And admit

Yes, I am guilty

I’ve made mistakes

Made people cry

I’ve been bad

I’ve misbehaved

Yes, I am guilty

To all of the above

I’ve insulted

Corrupted

Interrupted

Gambled

And hated

I’ve been angry

And foolish

Out of my mind

And useless

So charge me

With all you’ve got

Yes, I am guilty

Guilty as charged

But so are you

And everyone else

We’re all guilty

Of being human

 

 

 

Never Again!

Never again I vowed

Would I balance on the edge

It’s too damn slippery

So easy to fall

But the excitement

And the adrenaline

And the memories

Of living outside of it

Of living honestly

No

Never again!

 

But still

The balancing act

Simply the thought of it

Makes my heart beat

Faster and faster

Running through the night

Watching the universe pass by

And almost touching the stars

Dancing on the rings of Saturn

No

Never again!

 

Ultimate freedom

Is chained down for us all

But if one gives it all one’s got

It’s possible to escape

If only for a while

It’s not about living on the run

It’s not about wasting away

Perhaps managing

Instead of balancing

Yes

Never again, never again!

To a Reader

I stand naked before you

Through the words you see

I pour out my soul

As a simple nobody

 

I tell my truth to your face

With the melody of my voice

A song to let go

And to simply rejoice

 

I roam the unknown to find

Just the right lines

That make you feel

The fire and joy

In your body and soul

 

I take you on a journey

Through phrases and dust

Unimaginable expressions

Lined with lust and disgust

 

I turn the page for you

Move you through time

In all directions imaginable

Make you fall and then climb

 

I roam the unknown to find

Just the right lines

That make me feel

The fire and joy

In my body and soul

 

The Feeling

There was a feeling I used to have

On the good days

Didn’t happen very often

But when it did

It felt like I could do anything

Take the whole world on by myself

 

I’ve had other feelings lately

But not that unique one

Then all of a sudden

The snow fell down

I felt a chill down my spine

And the feeling appeared again

 

A temporary moment of clarity

Or perhaps insanity

I don’t really care

Either way works

What does matter is the feeling

And the raw power it gave me

 

I have always worried a lot

Looking at the horizon

Daydreaming out the window

Trying to forget

That feeling’s what kept me alive

Through many a rough times

 

The near memory of the feeling

Is more than enough

To keep the old engine going

Down the road

I never knew how much I needed this

And it revitalizes the hope I’ve always needed

 

 

Recognition

We used to meet up on the schoolyard late at night

Set fire to our minds and dream of our future so bright

Now those days seem so far away

And what a price we did pay

 

Some of us simply vanished with no excuse

And others left us without anything to loose

To bend those waves of space

Rebuild our past into grace

 

What matters in the end is not what has been

There’s really no idea to dwell on those sins

What matters is the here and now

Forever lost to the dead anyhow

 

There used to be so many different ideas around

Forever lost to that world deep underground

Here’s to the outcasts who used to be

Who never had to worry about me

 

So meet me again as late as the night can be

Let’s dream again of love and sensuality

Revive the dream of creation

Watch the stars with admiration

 

 

 

 

Travelin’ On

I was thinking back to my old ways

I do that a lot more than I’d like to confess

Sometimes with contempt

But more often with gratitude

 

And yes, I can say that I am grateful

Grateful for all my previous mistakes

For all of the wisdom they brought

And the insight that there will be more of them

 

I’ve been down the depths of many an ocean

But always had the luck to arise

I’ve been feeling good but looking like hell

That don’t matter in the end

 

No, what matters is the journey

Which I’m fortunate enough to still travel

What matters is the love still burning

And the mystery of life left to unravel

Wisdom

Wisdom in the form of a break

Fueled by the shining sun

Something old to return

For my hands to take

,

Solitude will have to wait today

The road has called again

Today I seek my friend

In the hours of delay

,

So much still to be done at home

But the painter needs inspiration

A writer insists on contemplation

The composer has to be alone

,

My secret thoughts always wander

Not where they are supposed to

Always to someplace new

Further and further

,

I wish that I could paint a moving road

Write about the miracle of life

Make a melody out of time

Force wisdom just to flow

A Small Place

The hours in my day

The bird of prey

The coming night

So close in sight

,

A change of pace

A challenge to face

A unique situation

My simple narration

,


I’ve found a small place

Across the borderline

I’ve changed my face

Found a saving grace

In this small place

, 

I’m not asking for much

I’m feeling in touch

I’m torn and frayed

Wouldn’t have it another way

,

And when the river’s dry

And the birds don’t fly

And the lyrics just bore me

I’ll imagine this story

,

Of a small place

Across the borderline

Where I’ve changed my face

Found a saving grace

In a small place 

From Time to Time

I went and picked up my guitar

The new one

The red one

I don’t get along with the old one anymore

The black one

At least not today

I wonder why that is

Suddenly it doesn’t sound half bad

The magic power of change

 

Last week I started reading a couple of books

Been sitting on the shelf for a while

French author

I think I get along with him

And his sequence of events

Old and new

These stories have waited for me

On a whim I picked them up

I feel honest when I read them

 

But tonight I’m not reading

Just sitting around

Worrying about

Time

And thinking about

Lunar eclipses

And trying to play that damned guitar

The new one

Now it’s starting to work against me

They do that

Every so often

 

The light in this room

Strangles your eyes

I wonder

Has it always been this way?

I should get a new lamp

But then again

It would just shine

Intense

For a while

Before it too would work against me

 

I look across the room

Illuminated by bad light

Is the black guitar

The old one

I put the red one down

The new one

Back in black

Suddenly the light

Doesn’t seem that bad

Suddenly the notes I play

Sound like music to my ears

I feel rejuvenated

Change can do that

From time to time